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Love bubble bursted

Posted on Jul 6th, 2008 by Nono : whatever Nono
Did wrote a letter to a friend of mine that goes like this:

I kinda focus a lot how pointless everything is now a days. Like my own situation with my spirituality. I really need to meet a good teacher to get my path right on track again. Maybe I already have it in my bookshell. I have purchased a bunch of books not reading them. I feel totally blasé with spirituality.
Every time I am with people and for example meditate... well, I meditate only, which means I shut down and just be in that perfect void, that space. I never channel. Every other smuck always channel, and then it is an unpleasant custom that the word need to go around and everyone should tell about their experience. I just want to sit there and be quiet and it hurts me when the stories about peoples experiences just get better and better, adding on eachother. They act like they where very inportant. And then... ha, the spirits people meet or as they claim that came to visit us and so on. There are always Jesus Sananda and Mary Magdalene and some angels (Michael perhaps) and sometimes Elohims are comming through. And those smuck spirits always tell how peculier the people sitting in that ring are, how important the work is. Oh those marvellous messages!
What fucking work????? Nobody never really DO something (not that I do either, I'm not better). I am so sick and tired of that god damned hypocrasy. So I have also isolated myself from my former spiritual friends - I feel really desillusioned. This is not for me. I sense that they are just amusing themselves with soap opera a la astral world. And I don't give a rotten penny for that, ya hear! Astral is a la la land.
So I work in a "real" world with a "real" job and feel that I don't fit there either. I don't have that perfect fit feeling anywhere. Only glimpses of it when I am alone. And I start to think... yeah, alone Nono darling, what the hell is that? That is nothing. It is so easy to be "holy" when you are alone. No temptations but in your mind, and you can controll the mind with a littlebit effort.
 
Shit, what is? What is? I am thrapped in between.
 
You talked about real intimacy, that closeness... I long for that, I do, but I am not certain it is possible to find either. It's so easy to talk about it but when I'm faced with it, can I pull it through? Evidently I suck on relations. I am alone. So... this get's me nowhere.
I do have faith in people and I concider them good (mainly). Even the smuck Bush means well in his way, although his truth is so far from mine, but then again, who am I to judge, huh?
Love in it's daily menaing is a fake state. It's soap opera too.
 
Maybe my entering the "real" world in school and work made me tumble on my nose.
 
Rambling rambling... I long for a retreat. Yeah. A scilent one, everyone keep their mounth shut. Ah, now that would be real for me.

Here is a poem that I wrote on Diving Deeper:



scales fallen off
on a glittery pile
all colours
around my feet

used to have them
over my eyes

i looked
and i saw
whatever

miracles

and now
i see
the truth?

or

through just another scale
once again

this one
is leaving me
in a world
without beauty
desillusioned
numb

where are my feelings
emotion
love

where am i



Access_public Access: Public 1 Comment Print views (168)  
Tagged with: love, life, pointless, poem, astral, meditation, channeling
ayla : Illuminated Skye
about 5 hours later
ayla said

Right here in the NOW Nono, that's where you are.  You're a good soul, a deeply reflective soul, and you're not alone - although I guess it must feel like it to you right now.  I understand that feeling.  Reaching out to wrap my cyber arms around you (((((((((((((((Nono)))))))))))))))))) and reminding you that you are never alone and that you are always loved.

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